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TS and your kids...

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  • TS and your kids...

    Hi,

    Just wondering if anyone out there has had a similar problem as I am having with my kids and what might have helped them. I was not diagnosed until fairly recently and my kids are not too happy finally having a name for the things I do!

    Usually I hear that people feel better when they can put a name to their symptoms but I guess that doesn't work for teenagers with a parent with TS!!

    I understand that teens need to fit in and not be different but they haven't told their friends and one of my kids in particular gets upset if I'm ticcing around her friends and hates when I drive them somewhere and is all uptight that their friends will notice. (which I'm sure they have!!) She will also tell me to "stop it" even if we are alone and get mad if I even bring up the subject.

    I have tried talking to her and I don't really take it very personally but when she/they make it this big secret then it causes them all this worry that their friends will find out and quite frankly, I would like them to be able to be more accepting. Any ideas or advice out there? Thanks

  • #2
    patience

    The only things I can think of is constant education about ts and waiting it out till they become more used to ur tiks and more accepting. 8)

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    • #3
      TS and your kids...

      Teenagers are difficult in the best of situations. I know that, because I was one until nearly three years ago. I know it's not particularly helpful advice at the moment, but they'll get over themselves.
      Colin

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      • #4
        TS and your kids...

        The one thing I think we have to remember in this case is that all teenagers think they know the answers or whats best for everything. (I did too) And eventually life teaches them otherwise but they will learn alot along the way. I first would ask actually on how comfortable are you with your tics. If you were in a public place and someone noticed you ticked or ask "what was that", how would you respond. I used to always say, oh its just a habit or if I could make it look like something in my enviroment cause I would use that. But now I have come to relize that most people either would be understanding with the tics, or just not care at all (usually strangers who dont want to know anything about you anyways). Anyone who would notice and make a big deal probably has something to hide too. But the first step I think to this is seeing where you are at with TS. Once you have know where you are at with the disorder, you can then move forward. If you are fine with explaining it to anyone, family, friends, maybe even strangers, than you can explain to your children that this is not just the parent being "not cool", its just a part of who you are. Thats my take on it. But they will come around sooner or later.
        The other day at a local grocery store, I saw a rack with books on it and one of them said, "pregancy for dummies"............

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        • #5
          TS and your kids...

          It sounds like your daughter needs to understand more about your TS and the fact that you can't stop it. One of the important things to realize is that you had TS long before you got the diagnosis. The only thing that is changed is you now have a name for it.

          This is actually a reversal of the normal thing we see -- where one sibling has TS and the other doesn't. The one without TS often has a hard time understanding the symptoms. We usually tell the parents to model the behaviour they want from their child -- be understanding, ignore the tics and be accepting.

          Perhaps a similar approach would help. Let your daughter know that you are comfortable with your tics. If you have the opportunity, talk to her friends about your TS. I don't mean lecture them about it, but approach it more naturally -- if you tic when they are around then make a comment such as "not to worry - that is just by Tourette's".

          Also, when you are alone and she tells you to "stop it" that is a good time to remind her that the symptoms are neurological -- just wanting them to stop is not going to make it happen. It's not as if you are ticcing just to make her life miserable

          It has been awhile since your first posted this. Has the situation improved?
          Cathy
          Forum Moderator

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          • #6
            TS and your kids...

            Thanks for your replies....the situation is a wee bit better with one of my kids but not the other. They just won't accept that I can't just turn it off! I know they don't know enough about TS but they are unwilling to learn more. One of the problems is that I don't supress as much as I used to before I had the diagnosis. They don't understand how difficult it was and how much better it is for me to not supress so much, they don't understand that it's not really worse it's just more noticable now.Also, as I get older my TS has gotten worse, at least the tics have, I think my OCD has lessened though. Plus they used to ignore stuff I did but as soon as I told them it was TS they notice everything, I can't even clear my throat like everyone does from time to time, without my older daughter thinking it's a tic and giving me the evil eye!!
            .
            I can't talk to their friends because they won't tell them....I guess their friends just must think I'm a bit weird or something :lol:

            Anyway, guess I'll just keep on trying to help them understand and hope that they mature about this sooner rather than later!

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            • #7
              TS and your kids...

              Syrinx

              Have you ever thought about leaving some reading material lying around... perhaps where the kids or their friends might see it. Sort of drop the hint to the friends a little. They may not ask but you never know, they may recognize the terms or may even get triggered to ask...or walk away thinking, that makes sense. who knows... and if the kids get embarrassed (they often do over just about everything sometimes) then it's easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.
              Janet

              TSFC Homepage

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              • #8
                Syrinx

                As said before, teenagers are very self absored and embarassed by parents at the BEST of times. Have you ever thought that maybe they're scared that they have or will get TS? Just a thought. I hear boarding school is also a good option!

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                • #9
                  TS and your kids...

                  lol @ brookebarr

                  syrinx,i was interested that you say the tics have got worse (or more noticable) since you had the diagnosis,it is the same for me,i got a Diagnosis about 2-3 months ago,and since then i have felt able to release the tics more,as now i dont have to hide them so well,also my husband now blames everything on TS,i trip up .........oh that the TS.....i put the cat in the fridge and the milk on the doorstep........oh that`ll be the TS dear.grr !! no i am just forgetful ok !!........... :D im kidding about the cat,but you get the picture :roll:
                  seriously though,i feel now that i can let him see the "real" me as it is too darn tiring trying to pretend to be normal when i just am not
                  jo

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                  • #10
                    TS and your kids...

                    I've had the same thing with feeling more at ease about the tics after the diagnosis. I used to hide them even from my family, and would spend an hour or more at a time in the bathroom to let them out when the stress was killing me.

                    Now that they all know it's TS (and I don't think I might be crazy any more), I don't feel like I have to hide the tics. And as a result I'm being accused of not trying hard enough, and my husband claims that my TS and AS symptoms got much worse after diagnosis, which shows (he claims) that it's psychological, and I'm mentally ill.

                    I know he is wrong, and I refuse to pretend I am like other people in my own house now, I should be able to relax at home! Most of my kids just ignore my tics now, but a couple of them will still get annoyed and tell me to stop at times (I have five kids).
                    German citizen, married to a Canadian for 28 years, four daughters, one son, eight grandchildren (and one on the way).

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                    • #11
                      TS and your kids...

                      Have you ever noticed that once you buy a red car or a blue van that suddenly it seems that everyone else has a red car or blue van, ie that you suddenly notice that particular type or color of vehicle?

                      I have found that tics are the same. Once you become aware or diagnosed with TS and become aware of what a tic looks or sounds like,then you suddenly notice that many more people have tics... diagnosed or not. You'll notice people in the line atthe supermarket who sniff repeatedly or clear their throats, etc. and you start to quietly (in your head) diagnosis them.

                      have you ever had that experience?
                      Janet

                      TSFC Homepage

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                      • #12
                        TS and your kids...

                        Oh, yes, all the time! The more you know on the subject, the easier it is to spot tics in others. I believe everybody, no exception, has at least a couple of tics. But when you notice a whole lot of them, it's likely TS.
                        German citizen, married to a Canadian for 28 years, four daughters, one son, eight grandchildren (and one on the way).

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                        • #13
                          TS and your kids...

                          I agree with you! The more I observe people the more I wonder how many people are around me with some degree of TS and they don't even know it.
                          Janet

                          TSFC Homepage

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                          • #14
                            TS and your kids...

                            lol,i agree too
                            there was a guy who served me in a shop the other day who was ticcing quite badly, shoulder shrugging - head flicking etc,i was soooo tempted to ask him if he had TS but i thought i shouldnt be so presumptuous :shock:
                            jo

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                            • #15
                              TS and your kids...

                              Well, I'm glad I'm not alone here...I understand about feeling more comfortable and being ourselves tics and all. On one hand I don't like ticcing more on the other it feels a whole better than hiding them and all that comes with that. But my kids are still a pain in the neck about it. They still won't let their friends know and I'm fed up with being told that I can help it and I'm not trying hard enough and that (oh I love this one...) I just want sympathy.
                              I'm half thinking about putting an ad in local newspaper. "Yes kids I have tourettes, get over it!"
                              One person mentioned that maybe they are afraid they have TS, indeed my eldest has TS (undiagnosed) but is in total denial. I'm leaving more stuff out and one of these days their friends are going to see it or something and hopefully it will all come out in the open. I've run out of ideas.....I've tried talking to them, educating them about TS but they are like 2 brick walls....maybe they need a TS intervention (whatever that might be! lol)
                              Thanks for listening (er..reading..)

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