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Talking to Parents

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  • Talking to Parents

    I'm not sure if this is the right place for this, but here I go.

    Recently I had an emotional breakdown, I am currently "home" on spring break and decided on Saturday night to spend my time with my family as they went to a restaurant to celebrate one of my parent's friend's birthday. It became quickly apparent how bad an idea it was. Not only was I a bit distracting to the other customers but because of my hearing loss and auditory processing problems I couldn't understand anything that was said to me. It quickly became painful for me to be in that room with all those people. So I stepped outside into the cold, and waited there for 20-30 minutes before I was harassed by a couple of drunken jerks. They cornered me, and continued to make fun of my weird movements, and my wanting to be away from others. I stayed nice, and waited until they finished their cigarettes and left. But afterward I was an emotionally wreck.

    It had hit me hard how I could never really take place in the sort of things people my age do, like go to bars, concerts, or even big public restaurants. I walked to the door and signaled my sister, and asked her to fetch my mom's keys so I could wait in the car. I walked briskly back to my mom's car, where I cried like I have never really cried before. My mom soon met me at the car and quietly drove me home. I tried to explain what had happened and why I was so upset. She seemed to think that it was my being verbally assaulted, but I tried to explain that it was the social isolation that was building up. She just didn't get it. Whenever I mention a problem dealing with either my hearing or TS, she is always quick to ask if I brought it up with my audiologist or neurologist, but never quick to ask how I was feeling about it.

    I think part of problem is that I have long ago taken on the role of advocating for myself. I've had a lot of success in my life, such as bringing up my GPA from a 1.8 to a 2.8, and entering grad school. My parents have not had to really worry about me for a while, and hence I think that they don't think about the problems I face.

    I really don't know how to talk to them about this anymore, my mom is saying I should seek counseling on campus but all I really want to do is talk to her about this. It hurts that I can't talk to her about this.
    TS and Chorn's disease, two diseases triggered by stress. Why am I going into special education one of the most stressful professions out there?

  • #2
    Re: Talking to Parents

    Originally posted by xwing2b View Post
    I really don't know how to talk to them about this anymore, my mom is saying I should seek counseling on campus but all I really want to do is talk to her about this. It hurts that I can't talk to her about this.
    Have you tried telling your mom exactly that? If that is hard to do face to face maybe writing her a letter would be helpful. Or maybe an "I miss You Card" with a short note in it.

    I can't speak for your mom but I do know that being a mom is very very hard sometimes. Everytime our children hurt we hurt also and when there is nothing we can do to make the hurt go away for our children it is really quite painful.

    We worry all the time and when you have a child who has special needs that worry multiplies.

    I want my son to know that he can come to me anytime for anything but on the other hand I need to know that he can do it without me as well one day. Now that he is a teenager (yikes!) I am trying my best to "back off" a little so he can start to learn how he can help himself.

    Once he gets older I will not always be able to help him anymore. That may be where your mom is at now especially since you are away at school. I am mostly in panic mode when my son is away for any reason. It must be hard for her now that you are all grown up and basically out on your own. It may give her some comfort to know that you can deal with these things on your own.

    Maybe try letting her know that yes you can deal with this stuff on your own BUT you need her to just listen sometimes and miss the closeness you once shared.

    Just my thoughts. I hope they help.

    On another note don't feel bad about "breaking down". EVERYONE breaks down once and awhile..TS or not. You have had more than your share to deal with and from what I have read in your posts you seem to be doing very well.

    Not all people your age go out to bars to socialize. Find a group that is a little more low key and better suited to you. Does the university have any clubs or other extra activities that might be of interest to you?


    • #3
      Re: Talking to Parents

      I am glad you shared your feelings and experiences here on the forum.

      I do understand and see this in my own son.

      Patti is right about smaller groups and unfortunately large family groups are not always part of this option.

      Patti is also right about not all the people your age bar hop. My own daughter shares her life with the chosen few now that she is older and understands how much those few mean in life.

      Don't ever feel bad about "breaking down". I seriously doubt there are many on this forum that have not done the same thing. Life can be tough and finding your place in it can be even harder.

      By letting it all out it gives us the opportunity to reevaluate life and back up and regroup. This in turn makes us stronger to face hurdles.

      I can relate to loud places, trying to read lips and so much background garble you just want to jump up and run out. Places like these just aren't great to socialize and enjoy yourself.

      Your mother may look at you as a rock, handling life on your own and knowing how to deal. Maybe she is not as strong as you so she pulls away instead of reaching out. Everyone has their own way of dealing.

      Try explaining what you would like in your relationship to her. She may reach out not realizing she was pulling away.
      As a parent myself, I find myself not being as warm and fuzzy as I should to my older kids while I am wrapped up in taking care of our youngest w/TS+.
      Consider your approach as a recheck, she might appreciate it and recognize you know what you need.

      I hope you always know you can come here and the support is real.

      Take care and don't fret, you have a lot going on in your life right now and all this extra just adds to it.
      It will get better as you move forward.

      Are you finished with mid-terms yet? Are you trying to take classes over the summer?
      We are pulling our hair out right now planning for the next twelve months.

      Take care.


      • #4
        Re: Talking to Parents

        Well I talked to my mom about my problems and we worked out a plan that I would signal her when I really needed her. She just never really got any of the clues, clues that I even didn't get. I've always keep things so close to myself that I guess over time I just drifted away, its normal for someone my age to do so. Part of what also really contributed to my feeling isolated was that the theater group I take part in has come into conflict with my student teaching. I get up so very early to teach, and our shows are so very late, not to mention our rehearsals. So what has been my main social group is now drifting away from me too.

        Its always been hard for me to meet new people since I usually struggle for a while when meeting new people to understand what they are saying. So for me to lose such an important part of my social life, is just another challenge more than I need right now.

        Class has never really been stressful for me, at least since I finished my core classes and am now taking classes almost exclusively relating to my major. I am however taking the PRAXIS II in June, and while I am not worried its another big test to add stress. Also speaking of stress, the MSA, a statewide test here in Maryland in which funding to my school will be cut if any kids fail it, is over and things are getting back to normal. My tics are down, and I am feeling a bit better about myself.
        TS and Chorn's disease, two diseases triggered by stress. Why am I going into special education one of the most stressful professions out there?


        • #5
          Re: Talking to Parents

          I am glad you were able to reconnect with your mom xwing. That is really great news!


          • #6
            Re: Talking to Parents

            Sometimes its hard to keep an open line of communication with those we love but I am very glad it worked out for you.

            Take care