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Still Struggling

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  • Still Struggling

    My son just started Grade nine this year and we are still struggling. He hates school and runs away, at a multidisciplanary meeting with a doctor , the school and mental health, I felt like everyone blamed me for his behavior. My son spends a great deal on the internet and I let him because it is the only way I can handle him. The school, Drs and mental health tell me to take it away from him, but they are not here when he becomes violent. They tell me to call the police when that happens and all I get is ambulance bills. Now I am making some progress with limiting his internet, he is not allowed on it when he is supposed to be in school, and he needs to take several breaks a day. Last year I couldn't get him away from the computer to eat and this year I can. I don't think the internet is the root of all of his problems....
    It seems that the whole team agreed that the school will not be sucessful with Zach until I stop letting him have the internet. Yet the scool is not meeting his needs. He is in a segregated special ed classroom and is being pushed on though without an education. Yet my son is very intelligent. I was told last week that he no longer qualifies for a behavior worker (BMS) because he is not mentally retarded, and that is the exact words they used.

    I am at a loss

  • #2
    Re: Still Struggling

    Have you had a Educational Assesment done?
    Is he on a Personalized program?


    • #3
      Re: Still Struggling

      Yes he has had several educational assessments and has several diagnoses. Tourette's disorder, adhd, ocd, odd non verbal learning disability etc. The school he is in now since last year has done absolutely nothing, last year they never sent home a single piece of paper to hint that they were following any type of plan. We had an ISSP team meeting last year and the school declined involvement because he was not attending regularly. Right now I am the team leader, I am stressed to the max...


      • #4
        Re: Still Struggling

        Do you have a psychologist who will go in the school to defend him? I have 3 boys with TS plus and am a HUGE avocate for my kids. So I have done this myself. He needs a ISSP and there is no reason at all why he can't have one. It would help him want to attend school more if it was somewhere he wanted to go.
        I have a team of doctors and I only go into these meetings with a psychologist.
        Just a thought unless you already do this.


        • #5
          Re: Still Struggling


          This is very difficult situation indeed. I see Labrador in your < name >, so I do not know what services are available to you. I come across kids like your son once in a while. To me the issue is to get a good handle on the situatioin, a good working diagnosis, and a good treatment approach. This involves a plan for school, home, psychosocial and medical treatment. It is extremely important that your son experience success at school, in social situations and at home.
          Success at school is key; kids like your son feel that they are getting somewhere and mastering something instead of feeling utterly useless. Some parents shop around, visit programs and select a class that can work with their child.
          Control of anger is important; are medications needed, and if so, whick ones? Do other family members have similar issues, and what works for them? (Have some of them resorted to alcohol or drugs to help alleviate this?). Sometimes an antipsychotic or an antidepressant work, or at least help. This helps the child feel a sense of mastery over their emothions.
          Dealing with anger at home. (There are Websites on this,, for example). Taking a problem-solving approach helps. Calling police helps set a limit on what can be tolerated in the home. Police where I am are very understanding and handle the situatioin well; they usually have a youth-oriented police officer. You need assistance with setting clear rules; outside assistance helps your son see that you are not just being arbitraty in setting rules. I think setting limits on electronics (Net, video games, TV) is important because life is not made up of that; keep in mind that these kids' social network is almost nil or nil, and they have some degree of success here, so cutting them off is not completely understanding the situation.
          I hope this helps.

          Dr. A. Boisjoli


          • #6
            Re: Still Struggling

            Thanks so much for your reply. I feel that my son is so enthralled in the internet because he feels success with it. He is an expert at World of War Craft and lives in a make believe world where he is powerful, sucessful and accepted. My problem is how to get him back into the real world. He ran away from school yesturday because some kids called him a retard. I just don't know how to make his life easier.

            We lived in a bigger city last year and he was in a special program but they often through him a time out room for the entire day just to keep him in the building. This solved nothing as he was often still tantruming at 3 when I would go pick him up.
            I moved back to Labrador because I needed the support of family and friends. My marriage ended 5 years ago and my ex has been no support. He thinks that our son is just spoiled.... I have another son as well who exhibits no behavior problems.

            My son takes Concerta and rispiridone now and we have tried just about everything else. We are monitored via telemed from a Dr in St. John's. As far as I know no one in the family has the same anger symptoms but I have always suspected aspergers. His father exhibits several symptoms as well. During a hospitalization last year the Dr also suspected Aspergers but unfortunately we have to wait for testing to confirm this. I am not sure what difference this diagnosis would make at age 14 anyway.

            I have not worked in over a year because I am trying to get my son settled in school, but I don't think that is ever going to happen