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parent of young adult with TS - worn out

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  • parent of young adult with TS - worn out

    My son will be 18 on Monday. Though I love him more than anything else in the world, I can't wait for him to leave.

    I am so tired of being at the receiving end of his uncontrollable anger. I am totally worn out, depressed and oh, so very disappointed. I have given everything I have to this kid over the past 18 years as a single mom. After he was diagnosed in 1993 I made a committment to always error on his side when in doubt. When I didn't know which way to turn, I always put him first - perhaps that was wrong. But I did my best.

    School has been a nightmare, he didn't graduate. He had a few wonderful and supportive teachers, and he also had some incredibly ignorant teachers who should not be allowed in the classroom.

    He is extremely smart and so very strong. He is bitter with a huge chip on his shoulder (his father was very abusive and is no longer in his life - he feels abandoned). He is a good person with a huge heart. I see his struggles and know that he has so many roadblocks in front of him - because he is so stubborn.

    I feel so much conflict in my heart. What kind of cruel twist for life to give a parent such a beautiful, miracle of a child to love and nurtue, and then have them become such a torturous contradiction.

    Are there any other parents of older TS kids out there? Or have any of them survived??

  • #2
    There is hope

    Dear Tired Mom:

    Yes -- there are wonderful and successful people -- both adults and teenagers -- who have TS. I know many teens and young adults who are doing well. Most of them have had struggles, especially with school and peer relationships, but have overcome them.

    You sound like you have been extremely supportive of your son, but he is getting to an age where he needs to be standing on his own, coming to terms with his neurology and making his way in the world. Encourage him to seek out other teens and adults with TS. If there is an affiliate in your area try to get him involved.

    There is a teen/young adult forum at the TSFC conference. The next conference is not until October 2005, but perhaps he can make plans to attend.

    You have been on a long, hard road. Parenting a child with neurological issues is not any easy task. I wish you the best of luck.

    My son is 17 1/2, and, despite some times when it was difficult to imagine he would make it this far, he is still alive and ticcing.


    • #3
      parent of young adult with TS - worn out

      Dear Tired Mom

      I sympothize with your situation.

      I am like your son in many ways.

      I am 19 and I have not graduated, and I am still facing emotional difficulties. But I do want to tell you that things will turn for the better. May I suggest finding a local TS chapter and attend meetings. I am positive you would be allowed to relieve tension and express your concerns, fears, and all the emotion.

      I have faced the school system, I've had my share of great teachers and ones who i'm quite sure payed for their degree.

      If you ever have a doubt in your mind that someone who faced these things didn't survive, look at me. I survived!


      Brian Wilen
      ~ Brian Wilen ~


      • #4
        parent of young adult with TS - worn out

        Like Brian, I'm one who made it (mostly). It took me till 20 to finish high school, but I graduated with a 93% average and an award for having faced challenges and still making it. I don't think that there's a single one of us who didn't get really down and struggle excessively near the end of school, it's a time when we're expected to start making it on our own and it's a difficult fact for any teen to face. Have faith that your son (despite what may look like chips and weaknesses now) has it in him to overcome and succeed not in spite of, but because of, what he's had to go through. There are lots of us out here to lend support if he'd like it and our success stories are far more common than our failures!Just remember, every teen is a terror at the end, hold on a little bit longer and the light at the end of the tunnel will be there!


        • #5
          parent of young adult with TS - worn out

          Tired Mom,

          You are to be commended for your strength and support of your son. Unfortunately it seems that rage reactions seem to be part of the TS package and those we love the most are the ones we hurt the most.

          It may be easier to say that to do, but if those at the receiving end of the rage reactions can see it as the disorder talking rather than the person, and let the person with TS ventilate without it allowing you to feel hurt.

          Easier said than done!!

          Some Touretters have found a few light duty sessions with a Behavioural Therapist help in developing strategies to abort the rage reaction when they feel it coming on. Some Behavioural Therapist Psychologists have a specific interest in TS, so if you contact your local Mental Health facility ask if there might be such a person.

          Has your son demonstrated any interest in seeing a health professional who might be able to help? Is he currently taking any medications for his condition?

          Dum spiro spero....While I breathe, I hope

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          • #6
            parent of young adult with TS - worn out

            Dear Tiredmom:

            If you are continuing to visit this board please let us know how you are doing.

            Have you found additonal resources to help you?

            Have you found a support group to boost your spirits?

            I hope things have improved for you and always have you in mind.