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Question about his stimming

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  • Question about his stimming

    My 3 year old Tommy really pushed my limits yesterday. It was time for supper but all he did for 30 minutes was sit in front of his food and stim. I don?t mind his stimming, but it bugs me when it prevents him from doing what he is being asked to do like eat his supper. I don?t know if I should allow his stimming to be an excuse to not do something. If I ask him to clean his toys and he starts to stim? how can I reprimand him for not cleaning his toys?? I want to reprimand him for not doing what I ask and not for stimming? I want to make sure he knows the difference. Am I making any sense?

    I don?t have all day to sit there and wait for him to stop stimming. I just feel like yelling ?just stop doing that and eat your damned supper!!? but I can?t and it?s aggravating the crap out of me. If a non-autistic toddler does not do something you ask you can put him in a time-out, but as soon as Tommy starts to stim, the rules change and I can?t give him a time-out anymore? I can only walk away and ultimately, he learns that it?s ok not to eat or clean up or do as I say. How the HECK do I get around that??

  • #2
    Question about his stimming

    Hi Yummymummy,

    Did you contact the support Chapter of TSFC in Montreal?

    Has you been able to get Tommy to a doctor regarding his Tourettes and Aspergers?

    This is the website for the Aspergers Society of Ontario and their contact information.

    Children with eat when they really need to and maybe having fruit or other small snacks available for when he is ready to eat is a good idea.

    Having a child with no health problems is a challenge to raise but having a child with health problems forces us to be the best parents we possible can be. We have to raise them on their terms and must work around what they are capable of doing.

    I can hear your frustration and remember we are here to listen and to help at any time.

    Keep us posted so that we can help. Steph


    • #3

      Actually, we have an appointment for him at the Douglas hospital in June and another at the Montreal Children's Hospital in December (one year after I sent them my referal! - I knew the waiting time was about one year)

      A close friend of mine works with a team of autistic guys and he suggested that, after meal time is finished, simply remove his plate and continue on with the evening routine. If he comes to me later in the evening because he is hungry, remind him that he should have eaten his supper and reming him to eat his supper tomorrow. I won't give him anything to eat.

      Hopefully, after a few days of him going to bed hungry, he will eat his supper when it is put in front of him. I think this might work since I will not be focusing so much on his stimming during the meal.

      I'll let you know.


      • #4
        Question about his stimming

        Its good to see you back with us and I hear your frustrations and personally understand.

        My son is a sponge as most children are and if I am frustrated he responds. My son has TS+
        When he was a toddler the level of stress could be cut with a knife until I made some changes.
        I still use these tools now that he is much older but he did learn young.

        If I asked my son to pick up his toys or clean his room and in his case he responding by having tics and banging walls or his head or even just ignored me like he was tuned out:

        I would hold his hand and tell him "we" were going to clean his room. I never did it for him and I picked up items and passed them to him to be put in a specific spot. I made life easier by having large plastic buckets with handles or the tubs with lids. My son also learned to put his dirty cloths in the hamper this way.

        Time outs do not have to be impossible, just exhausting in the beginning. I used a large wing back chair that was harder to get down from and provided supports for his head if he banged in frustration.
        You have to gear the time out to age, thats one minute to year and keep them in a open area away from stimulation but in view.
        My Aunt used a quilt on the kitchen floor in the corner with her autistic child, so anything can be possible.

        In connection to food intake. Steph is right that he will eat when he needs too but in our case food and fluids have played a big role in my son's development or should I say lack of.

        I have learned to provide smaller snacks and meals to assist and for some reason the evenings are usually a bust and he just wont eat as much as he should. I get him to eat a heavier meal earlier in the day after school and then he can sit and eat some with us. His evening portion size is also small and he tends to eat it now. When I served him proper portions he would just sit there and not eat it.

        We have a cut off for snacks in the evening like most families but putting dinners back into the refrigerator just never worked for us.

        The medical process can be slow and frustrating in itself. I hope you can find some support locally to help you and continue to visit here. With support and direction you will be provided the tools necessary to be successful and your stress and frustration level will subside dramatically once you see glimmers of hope and progress.

        Please keep us posted.