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Thread: Proper discipline

  1. #1

    Default Proper discipline

    Hello
    I'm new to tourettes, my girlfriends son has it (he's 10) as I can best describe him he is an incredible child, until he is challenged. then it transforms into a temper tantrum (with a ten year olds strength). For the last 2 years his father has been the main disciplinarian. taking mainly a "let him do what he wants" approach. The children fall asleep when & where they pass out, schools an option, and rules just a suggestion. And he has no problems with his behavior at all. LOL She has recently left him and has begun rebuilding structure for her children. We are currently having difficulty disciplining her son. If we send him to his room he walks out. or slams the door and starts swearing & SCREAMING (for hours) then he starts throwing things. What we have found that during these FITs of attack if we put him in a 5 second cold shower it stops everything, he is calm quiet understanding and appoligetic immediately. We give him a big hug tell him that we love him and discuss the situation rationally. This is not an evereyday occurance this has happened 3 times in four months all with the same response. The father has now filed a complaint with childrens aid against us in an attempt to gain custody. We feel like our hands are being tied. Some people recommend this action others oppose. To quote the police "If he's not being hurt and it's getting results it's not against the law"
    Is there a better solution?
    we have tried everything. ?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
    962

    Default Proper discipline

    Raz:

    Welcome to the TSFC forum!

    It sounds like you and the boys mother have been through a lot.

    What you are describing I have lived through. Some of the issue was my son did not really understand were he belonged and the other was a change of discipline and environment compounded by rage attacks due to the plus side of his TS+.

    Most children with TS have a shorter tolerance to changes and upsets, some have anxiety like my own son that just compounds issues.

    Have you contacted a local TS chapter?

    Has the mother worked with the physician and documented the behavior?

    You are very fortunate to have support in the GTA area and it would probably help all of you to access it.
    There is always a fine line that is easy to cross in a case like this.

    In our situation we never allowed my son to go to his room after a "moment". Often when we did he would destroy it with wholes in walls and broken items like toys.

    We placed him were we could watch him but without any stimulants like TV. The amount of time he stayed put equaled his age. In our case he did not always stay put. We had the language too but that was from anger and his one way to lash out at us.

    You must never allow anyone to hurt you or threaten someone else in the home. We even took him to the ER one evening to document the behavior.
    Anything back then would set him off and he was not use to rules unless they had been threatened in the past.

    The cold air did seem to help in our situation but he always had his coat on. We never used the shower to defuse the issue. After the cool down period we always talked to him about how he felt and why. The conversations were short and direct to avoid another explosion. It took time for him to understand what was right/wrong and that his behavior would not rule the household.

    I would recommend that all the incidents be documented, keep a journal. Get the family Doctor or specialist involved and keep him and everyone else in the household safe. There are also some good books on the market that can help with strategies and approaches. There are a number references here about rage attacks.

    Is he behaving this way in school or just at home?

    Let the school know what you are going through. They can get others involved to provide some direction for you and support.

    My son is now going on 13 and life is much more settled. I hope you keep us posted and share this forum with his mother.
    PJK

  3. #3

    Default proper disipline

    I have gone through this with my 12yr. old, to the point that he would start to have an anxiety attack and put himself in the cold shower because he knew that this was the only way to stop the attack. It is unfortunatt that the Father does not understand that sometimes a shock is what is needed and the only thing that will work. We have since OUT GROWN this method and have moved on to ATIVAN it is something that can work or it can have adverse affects and make him more volitile so it needs a trial first. This may be an opption for you as it works very fast, we use the quick dissolve that goes under the tounge. If you have any quentions don't hesitate.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
    962

    Default Proper discipline

    Ticx3

    We have come a long way in our own situation and my son does not experience melt downs anymore.

    Everyone at school excepts him and relates to him. The staff are supportive and respect his space with his sensory issues and understand TS+.

    Most of his anxiety was directly related to not knowing were he should live or with which parent he belonged or how long he would stay.
    Now with proper counseling and family support he has developed into a well adjusted young pre-teen that feels safe and happy. He has learned how to communicate his feelings in words instead of objects flying and gets much better results for his efforts to reach out to us. I've also learned more about his triggers and do not overwhelm him with adult issues or problems. I guess I shelter him a bit more but he does not have to know all the details. His life is complicated enough.

    It was a tough cycle to live through but the final results are great.

    I hope things work out for you and it is good to see you back on the forum.
    PJK

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