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Thread: Heart Broken

  1. #1

    Default Heart Broken

    Hello, this is my first post. I just left a school meeting and my son is no longer allowed to attend the Quebec trip. I feel heart broken for him. We have and I say WE as it has been a hard go since he was in grade 2. worked so hard to get him to go. His behaviour caused him to lose it but then he was given a second chance. He lost that today.

    This past year , grade 8, has been a nightmare. We were given the diagnoses of Tourettes over a month ago. I knew there was more but everyone just kept telling me severe ADHD. Well we tried Strattera and it was like a new kid. He was so happy. We have been slowly taking him off Concerta. The school could not believe the difference. They were calling and emailing. Unfortunately he made some bad choices last week and we sat in a meeting for an hour today. I worked hard and I almost had him back in. I even offered to take a week off and stay with him. He was asked a questioned and he replied to the VP "I don't need my mom, I am not a three year old". That was it. Lack of respect and no trip. The sad part is he does not even see it as being disrespectful. I know they were looking for an out as his impulsive behaviour scares them. Not a mean kid, just does not think before he acts.

    The whole time he was in this meeting the tics got worse and worse. I try so hard not to take his hand to stop him from picking or cracking. Notice his mouth for the first time today.... that was upsetting.

    I am just going on here, maybe not even making sense. It is funny, I work with challenging children all day and I feel helpless when it comes to my son. I know he thinks I failed him today. Hopefully the next post will be more positive

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Ottawa, Canada
    Posts
    5,886

    Default Heart Broken

    Hello Liz and Welcome to the TSFC Forum,

    Feel free to vent your frustrations here. Sorry to hear about your son's experience today.

    From the sound of it, the school was looking for an easy way out, because for an 8th grader to express his attempt at independence by stating he's not a three year old doesn't sound especially threatening to me.

    Do you feel your son's school staff has adequate knowledge about Tourette and strategies to help a student with Tourette integrate?

    Not a mean kid, just does not think before he acts
    People with Tourette, are sometimes perceived as being anti social or aggressive because of the associated behaviors surrounding Tourette. As you point out, he's not a mean kid, which is true of most people with Tourette, but sometimes behaviors give people the wrong impression.

    Strong reassurance for your son at this time will reinforce his self confidence. He needs to know he is not a bad person, and that sometimes the system causes unexpected disappointments.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    St. John's NL
    Posts
    1,147

    Default Heart Broken

    From the sound of it, the school was looking for an easy way out, because for an 8th grader to express his attempt at independence by stating he's not a three year old doesn't sound especially threatening to me.
    Hi Liz

    I too have a son with TS plus in grade 8...I have to agree with Steve, they seem to be not working to understand TS and are using it as an excuse.

    This is unfortunate and I truly feel for you and your son. The team at the school needs to understand that people (esopecially teens ) are not socially aware by nature.. they need to be taught and reminded all the time about what is appropriate and not appropriate... my son is not a bad kid either and he often speaks to me and his day in a very abrupt tone and has to be told it is not okay to talk that way and we oftenm need to tell him what impression he leaves with others... he ofetn does not get it till he is told.... eventually they'll catch on.

    I would follow Steve's advice around explaining how the systems work sometimes... when the hurt of missing out on the trip settles, you may encourage him to read Brad cohen's book, "front of the class" it was written to inspire people with TS to keep trying.

    Is there any way you could partner with the Monteal chapter of the TSFC to see if they can help you get the understanding of the teachers... keep in mind anyone what level of stress he must have been under being in the principal's office for over an hour...


    Wishing you both well as you work through this situation.
    Janet, mom of 4

    TSFC Homepage


    "Intelligence is always increasing; accommodation allows your intelligence to do what it has always done." Cassie Green, Washington College

  4. #4

    Default I totally understand

    Although it is often said, I really and truly do understand what you are going through. My son is in Grade 7, and he also will not be going on his end of year trip. Our school does the trips in alternate years, so there will not be a chance for him to go next year. They are leaving in 2 weeks, and it is truly breaking my heart.

    There was a dance display tonight at the school to show off what they have been learning, and Andrew didn't want to go because there was a meeting about the school trip at the end of the dancing. We went with the promise that we would leave immediately after the dancing and before the camp session began.

    I am tempted to talk to the teacher again about his attendance to this camp, and I know he is not the most challenging of students, but when he flies off the handle, no one can control him. She is a young, first year teacher, and I'm sure she just doesn't know what to do with him.

    I have no advice - I am still way to new to this whole concept - but I just wanted to let you know that I totally understand your heart break. Just do the best you can for him. It's always easier to work with children that aren't your own - the feelings just aren't the same.

    Good luck to you!

    Be well,
    Jori

  5. #5

    Default Thanks for listening.

    Thank you for all your comments. The school called me last week so excited to tell me that my son, Braydn, was able to now go on the trip. I know they do have tunnel vision with him as I work closely with the school system with my job and have been told that by those I am connected with. My fear was if I sent him they would be on him all the time, and picking on the small things. If they sent him home half way through, that would have crushed him. When they called I was surprised and so proud to know how hard he worked for it. I am now feeling protective of him. I have fought tooth and nail with this school. The school finally psych - ed tested him and he also has a learning disability in reading/writing and language processing. Grade 8. I have had him at ever doctor, finally Dr. Pearce has shed some light on our lives.

    He wanted to run for school president and they would not let him. They said he was too popular and may get voted in and does not have the organizational skills to do it successfully. I went to the Superintendent for that one. He is off to high school next year and the change will be good for him. I have already established a relationship with high school and we are off to a good start. It feels great just to get this out and again, jabbering on. I normally make sense but right now I am so emotionally drained.

    I know the school wanted an out. I tried to explain to Braydn that he needs to be aware of this and work even harder not to give them fuel. He does show real lack of respect and I am not sure how to handle it. He is okay with me but others not so good!

    The bottom line is we are still in a better place. He is feeling better on Strattera and he tells me he is feeling better. I am going to let him stay home from school the day the kids leave for Quebec.

    Thanks again everyone.

    Liz

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    St. John's NL
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    1,147

    Default Heart Broken

    I am going to let him stay home from school the day the kids leave for Quebec.
    Hi Liz

    I think this is a good idea. Thanks for sharing your story and I hope High School gives your son a fresh new start.
    Janet, mom of 4

    TSFC Homepage


    "Intelligence is always increasing; accommodation allows your intelligence to do what it has always done." Cassie Green, Washington College

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
    962

    Default Heart Broken

    Liz:

    I think you are handling the situation very well. I've been in your position in the past too so i certainly understand.

    My son was unable to take day trips let alone long ones but the school did agree to let him if I went. The anxiety of going was so bad that I just planned other outings with him on those days.

    Keeping him home and doing something nice with him would be good.

    My son is socially immature and he is still learning how to work with staff and others. I think at that stage they just get frustrated with themselves.

    Mine gets upset and says his mouth spoke before he thought and usually when this happens he gets in trouble. He tends to be shorter fused with some staff members and as usual less tolerant in some situations.

    Your son's comment about not being a baby makes since. He wants to find his independence but first must find his balance and this is not coming fast enough. Personally I would not have considered it disrespectful since he was constructively venting his feels.

    My son's responses add up to his own diagnosis and it takes time to learn how to cope and re-direct. It also takes maturity.

    I can understand how the school feels wanting that perfect boy and him not conforming to their standards. I also understand the liability they would be taking if he had a "moment" and no one could bring him down from it.

    I hope he did not take it to hard after the fact and if he brings it up, then talk to him about his feelings. He needs to learn what is socially acceptable because at this stage life is just confused.

    My son is still a work in progress but he is understanding more now and responding better in difficult moments.

    Keep us posted and join in on other discussions here. Writing your feelings and experiences makes it better and you have support on this forum.
    PJK

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