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Thread: It?s not a talk-the-talk program, it?s a walk-the-walk program

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    St. John's NL

    Default It?s not a talk-the-talk program, it?s a walk-the-walk program

    This quote
    ?I can only share my strength, experience and hope,? Muse explains. ?It?s not a talk-the-talk program, it?s a walk-the-walk program. It?s something that you have to determine as a lifestyle, it?s a very healthy and stable way of life.
    is taken from an article that tells a story of how one man who even with early diagnosis of TS struggled and made many bad decisions as a young adult. The inspiration from this story comes from the fact that Jon Muse took control, stopped being a victim and changed his life. Once he walked-the-walk he found peace and success. I found this story very inspiring and felt that other adults living with TS would probably feel the same.

    I would love to hear your thoughts.
    Janet, mom of 4

    TSFC Homepage

    "Intelligence is always increasing; accommodation allows your intelligence to do what it has always done." Cassie Green, Washington College

  2. #2

    Default Re: It?s not a talk-the-talk program, it?s a walk-the-walk program

    The disorder has also been associated with various obsessions and compulsions — including drug addiction — and attention difficulties.Thanks for the link to the article, Janet. I think it came through on my Yahoo Alert as well. I question the accuracy of the quote above as it could lead to stereotypical assumptions that these things are automatically related, which is really stretching the truth. Other than that, though, it was a good article about a real life person struggling with several challenges, one of which is TS.

  3. #3

    Default Re: It?s not a talk-the-talk program, it?s a walk-the-walk program

    I found the article very good. The man has gone through everything life can throw at him and managed to pick himself up time after time.

    I found the part below particulary poignant.

    "he started hanging out with drug dealers and users, the only people who seemed to accept him and his disability. He found it hard to fit in with society, and was even kicked out of church a number of times for swearing, because those around him didn?t understand his behavior".

    Social issues are my son's biggest issue and I truly fear something like this is around the corner for him.

  4. #4

    Default Re: It?s not a talk-the-talk program, it?s a walk-the-walk program

    I know what you mean about fearing that the only acceptance will come from the drug crowd! Our son seems to drift toward the underachievers and dropouts in school, which his psychiatrist says is "normal" for kids facing these kinds of challenges.

    What has truly shocked me, though, is that our son (almost 16) has taken a strong anti-drug stand! It turns out that he feels that all the meds he's been on have masked who he really is and now that he's weaned off all prescription meds, he doesn't want anything else, including recreational drugs, mucking with who he is! His oppositional defiance disorder (ODD) is annoying for most who come in contact with him and yet it's also helped him to stand up against those who have offered him drugs. Who would have thought?! It turns out that he doesn't have as great a need to "fit in" as I thought. Also, because he finds it hard to hold anything back, he tells me more than I want to know about what the other kids are doing! This makes it hard as I'm friends with their Moms and am not sure if my son is exaggerating, plus their kids "appear" to be so perfect, all the while sneaking off to smoke up and worse.

    I don't know what kind of choices our son will make in the future but, because he's basically at home, at school, and at classes and rehearsals, I know that they're good so far! The girls are also pursuing him but he needs his space so that's held off sexual involvement too. The further along in age they can get without succumbing to some of these temptations, the better their chances of not forming addictions. Sometimes, as we all know, it's the social, popular kids who end up with the addictions!

    One of our daughters, who was a straight A student in both high school and university, who is very outgoing and is now going into law, took a 2 year detour into the drug scene at the end of high school, even dating a drug dealer behind our back! A year and a half after we intervened and she broke off with him, he and a girl were found unconscious after a heroin/cocaine overdose. The girl died. This really affected our daughter who was, by this time, back on track. She has never turned back to that scene and she's 31 now. Our second, compliant and equally delightful daughter, also a high achiever but shyer, was never tempted in that direction. She observed that the kids who come back from dabbling in things they shouldn't are those whose families are there for them. I think she's right! There are no guarantees and you can't be there for your kids 24/7 but we can work hard to be the "safe place" our kids come home to! It's hard to strike a balance and not be taken advantage of but it is true that love can cover a multitude of problems!

    The biggest thing you can do to drug-proof your son, Patti, is to keep the lines of communication open and keep being inspired by him! Even a bit of love and structure can go a long way. If the world isn't that welcoming a place for your son right now, at least home can be safe! I've seen it with my nephews too: the ones who are the most social are the most tempted but the more they're home and not out wandering, being brought up by friends instead of parents, the more easily they become adults. Dr. Gordon Neufeld, PhD., who is a great parent educator has a book out called "Hold Onto Your Kids" which I highly recommend. Anything by him is good and, if you ever get a chance to listen to him, GO! He takes a totally opposite stand to the prevailing wisdom that somehow other kids are the ones who need to socialize our kids! Not true! This is where TS parents can have an advantage: we end up having to be involved with our kids!

    Take care, Patti! You're doing a great job! The road's bumpy but as long as you keep your hands on the steering wheel and the wheels on the four wheel drive, you'll get through it!

    From another parent on the road!

  5. #5

    Default Re: It?s not a talk-the-talk program, it?s a walk-the-walk program

    Thanks Val, you've certainly given a different perspective and lots to think about.

    I will keep my fingers crossed that my son's OCD issues that cause him to completely NOT accept anything or anyone that is doing something he feels is wrong or violates rules will be put to good use here!

    OCD is a funny thing though. Although he gets quite distressed if OTHERS do not follow rules he has no such need to follow rules himself! ha..ha...

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2005

    Default Re: It?s not a talk-the-talk program, it?s a walk-the-walk program

    We've already had that talk with our own son. His specialist warned him if he drank or took any drugs his chemical make up would drastically change and his system would not be able to handle it.
    He thought he could at least drink socially but she warned him it would be dangerous, mind altering and likely permanently damaging.

    She had him promise never to try either and told him when he was of drinking age (19) she would monitor his response to a glass of wine.

    He listened, asked questions and agreed to the proposal and terms. I'm glad it came up again and from her. Hopefully with her support we can keep him aimed in the right direction. Funny though as a parent our word just does not seem good enough and teens have to test the waters.

    The article is a great learning tool to pass on to our teenagers.

    I am glad Doc has taken my son under her wing, we are finally seeing some progress. Usually she tends to balance the med's for patients and then let the kids go but she has committed to keep him through age 18.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    St. John's NL

    Default Re: It?s not a talk-the-talk program, it?s a walk-the-walk program

    I agree that a safe haven at home is the key. I once was told by a friend of mine who has teens that she had always told her kids" you can call me any time at any hour not matter where you are and I will come and get you... no questions". I thought that was perfect because I remember as a teen that I had wanted to call my parents to come get me but often was apprehensive because I knew my Mom would give me the third degree. I often did call my Dad and he came and there was dead silence all the way home, that was just as uncomfortable for me... then my Mom would be waiting for me.

    I plan to have the same practise in my home -especially having 4 boys- I want to know that if they are out somewhere and they need to get away or remove themselves from a situation that they will always know I will come and there would be no questions so they would not hesitate to call.

    As for Jon Muse, he did not have that safe and understanding place at home.
    Janet, mom of 4

    TSFC Homepage

    "Intelligence is always increasing; accommodation allows your intelligence to do what it has always done." Cassie Green, Washington College

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