Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Aggressive Kids

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Toronto
    Age
    47
    Posts
    26

    Default Aggressive Kids

    Has anyone else had a young child too aggressive to send to school??
    My son is almost 7 and is on the verge of getting kicked out of his fifth school, and he is in an Intensive Support Behaviour Program with 2:1 support. He is on meds, which we are now re-assessing, but cannot control himself at school. At home right now, he is not bad, but we use collaborative problem solving at home and we know him well. The school can't seem to understand him and will no longer tolerate his often unprovoked hitting of other kids.
    Has anyone else been in a similar position? I thought our biggest problem was finding care for him in the summer who could handle him but now we are just fighting to keep him in school.
    Help! Any suggestions??

    Andrea

  2. #2

    Default Re: Aggressive Kids

    I am also going through a similar situation with my 7 year old son. I feel very powerless in the process. I felt I was given the ultimatum to either move him on to the next intensive program or face the "exclusion clause" - the principal can force them to stay home as per the education act. What are the school administrators saying to you about your options?
    Last edited by nmbmom; May 26, 2008 at 01:24 PM. Reason: posted prematurely

  3. #3

    Default Re: Aggressive Kids

    Hi Andrea and nmbMom!

    I feel for you both. It is scary, frustrating, heartbreaking and downright overwhelming to be in your place right now. The good news is many of us here have been in your place or very close to it before and we are here to listen, comfort and offer support.

    Andrea you hit the nail on the head! You know your son and use the appropriate model, CPS (Collaborative Problem Solving), when dealing with your child at home. It has been my experience that regular classrooms and B-Mod classes are reluctant to use this model. I am not sure why as this approach works for all children not just ours. When B-Mod is used on our children it can really do some damage to their self-esteem and mood. This is when the school will typically see "behaviour".

    Sometimes I think with just a few simple changes and support most of our children can be accomodated in the regular classrooms. It is my personal opinion though that there are times when some of our children may need more intensive support. That need may have arisen because of the way they were treated by others over time or it may just be the course of their TS.

    Either way we need to do for our children what they currently need regardless of how they got there. For me that was the hardest thing to overcome. I am not sure I have even gotten past it yet, but at least I can acknowledge it now. My child was where your children are now and I had to make the choice for more intensive treatment. I felt (and still do) that this would not have been needed if the educators were more understanding and willing to try new approaches instead of sticking to B-MOD.

    Is your doctor aware of what is going on? Are there any options they can offer for a treatment plan?

    We got lucky last year when our doctor referred my son to the only Mental Health classroom in the city. I was very torn with the decision. I home schooled my son in grade 7 for almost 6 months as he was unable to go to school. He was so upset and anxious because of the way he was treated at the Junior High that he just could not cope on any level with all the changes that come with Jr. High. Our doctor felt it was better to keep him home than risk further decline in his overall health by sending him. He had gone from a solid A and B student in Elementary to failing every class within weeks of starting Jr. High.

    I still do not like that he is not in the regular classroom anymore. I probably never will. My son is happy though. He is full of news about his day when I pick him up. He has friends now in his class and is even beginning to make friends with kids from the regular classrooms. He is well liked and respected for who he is. There have been a few bumps here and there but they have been ironed out with the help of the "health" side of things. That is what makes the real difference for the kids in this class. Their health comes first, education second. My son is now a straight A student in all academic subjects.

    I do fear for the future as he will have to attend a regular high school but for now he is happy. And that is what truly matters to me.
    Last edited by mom2TSguy; May 26, 2008 at 10:35 PM.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Aggressive Kids

    Hi Patti,

    I appreciated your reply. I 'm not coping well right now. My son has been in 4 schools in 3 years and has changed daycares once in that time. He is now in a very intensive school program which relies heavily on b-mod strategies. He began this program 4 days ago. He is being transitioned slowly which means he only goes 2 hours a day. I was told this would last for approx a week.

    On the second day, we had a meeting with all the people working with him, teachers, cyws, special ed, principals, etc. The purpose was for his doc to come and explain the Greene approach and to advocate for him. I feel sooooo grateful for this! She really come through for my family and goes over and above than what docs really have to do.

    Anyway, during the meeting the principal began to explain the program. Everything was directed at the doc! I was learning things about the program that I didn't even know! e.g. its generally a transition program into day treatment, they generally only keep the kids for one year, etc.! I felt I was invisible! As a very involved parent who needs to know what is going on in order to protect my child, I feel like I am losing control. I feel like I have no rights anymore. It seems like when a child is aggressive which means he hurts people, the rights of the family are discredited. I am very hurt. To make matters worse, I have been scrambling to accomodate this transition time. As a single mom who is a student (social work), it is very very hard to be home for him. My mom travelled for 3 hours from out of town to be there for him for 3 days so i wouldnt miss class, his dad is missing work to be there as well as I am missing class too. This doesn't count the time required to get him to doctors. Now when I called the school this morning to politely ask them to make arrangments for the bus in time for the transition week to be over, the principal said "well, actually the the second week continues to be transitional, we add on an extra hour to his day." She claims she said this but she didn't, I know because his dad and i took notes during that meeting.

    This is what makes me so mad. I am struggling to survive and keep my head above water. I accomodate them so much. The family and family stress, as a whole, is not considered. I realized that the main stresses I encounter during this process are not as a result of my darling boy, they are a result of the pressure, pain, shame and fear that occurs by trying to accomodate the school system!

    I know he lashes out. He hurts people because of the neurological challenges he has. This is cross that I bear everyday. I worry about his future and his current quality of life. The school will only have him for a short time. I will be the one to pick up the pieces as his self esteem is affected.

    He has a right to an education and I have a right to have committments outside of the home. The problem is - HOW DO I NEGOTIATE BOTH?

    What makes it even harder is that I go to class and write papers about social and structural issues given that I study social work. Often I can relate my own situation to the theories I am learning! It really bothers me! Did you know that one of the pathways to poverty is having a child with special needs? I see how this can occur! I remember all the times I have had to pick him up from school, his suspensions, his appointments, etc. all that time away from work, school, or wherever a parent needs to be in order to keep the family going.

    Sometimes I want to give up and I even entertain the idea. Then I realize that no one will love him, advocate for him, and understand him as well as I will. So it's not an option.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Aggressive Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by nmbmom View Post
    On the second day, we had a meeting with all the people working with him, teachers, cyws, special ed, principals, etc. The purpose was for his doc to come and explain the Greene approach and to advocate for him.... during the meeting the principal began to explain the program. Everything was directed at the doc! ..... I felt I was invisible! As a very involved parent who needs to know what is going on in order to protect my child, I feel like I am losing control. I feel like I have no rights anymore. It seems like when a child is aggressive which means he hurts people, the rights of the family are discredited. I am very hurt.
    I too have experienced similar. There have been several times over the years that I have asked for a specific accomodation for my child and been told no. I would then have someone from the doctor's office call and ask for the exact same thing and all of a sudden the answer is yes. I think there are a couple of reasons for this. One is simply that educators realistically just can not give every child in their school everything that every parent asks for. It just would not work. The second thing is we are most often seen as "just emotional parents".

    If you think about it both of these reasons are completely valid. What is not being taken into account a lot of the time is that our children really do need what we are asking for and although we are emotional parents many of us have spent hours and hours finding out exactly what our children do need and have sought professional advice (our doctors) to help us figure this out.

    Rather than get upset over this (don't we already have enough to be worried about?) what I found helped was to just accept these things as fact, not take it personally and find a way to get around this so as not to waste precious time that my child does not have. You have done exactly that by having your doctor attend the meeting. Awesome job! Let the rest wash over you because in the grand scheme it just does not matter.


    Quote Originally Posted by nmbmom View Post
    I am struggling to survive and keep my head above water. I accomodate them so much. The family and family stress, as a whole, is not considered. I realized that the main stresses I encounter during this process are not as a result of my darling boy, they are a result of the pressure, pain, shame and fear that occurs by trying to accomodate the school system!
    I know it is very hard and frustrating. Other kids get to go to school every day and for the most part everything runs smoothly. You are right there is also a sense of shame and fear that we as parents feel because it is our child and we have been conditioned to feel like we must have done something wrong for our child to be acting this way.

    You did absolutely nothing wrong. Your child has a medical condition that affects other people. Period.

    I understand it is very difficult to let go of the fear and shame. I begin to hyperventilate every time I walk in the school and have for years. For things outside of school my husband generally picks up our son or at least comes with me as I find it hard to 'just walk in' anywhere. It is very very hard to hold my head up high and just walk in and pick up my son like everyone else. There is always a sea of faces that to me seem to be saying, "Oh you're his mother!"

    Don't misunderstand me, I am very proud of my son and all he has accomplished and have never ever been ashamed of him in any way for any reason. It is more a shame in myself for not being able to make all of this disappear for him. Even though my head knows this has nothing to do with me as a parent, like you and many others, I have been conditioned to feel like I am at fault and my heart needs more time to catch up to the real facts.


    Quote Originally Posted by nmbmom View Post

    Did you know that one of the pathways to poverty is having a child with special needs? I see how this can occur! I remember all the times I have had to pick him up from school, his suspensions, his appointments, etc. all that time away from work, school, or wherever a parent needs to be in order to keep the family going.!
    It can be financially, physically and emotionally draining to raise a child with significant medical needs. I can understand your anger at the school system for continually sending your child home. Try to remember though that your child does have a medical condition just like any physical condition. I think if our children were being sent home because of the side effects of chemo therapy we would not be so angry at those who are sending them home and we would also get more support from "outsiders". Others just do not seem to be as understanding when they can not actually "see" an illness or disability.

    What province do you live in? Alberta has a program that helps families of children with special needs. It is called Family Support for Children With Disabilities. They can help with the financial costs of obtaining treatment as well as help you to find programs, medical help, respite care and even help you to maintain a balance in your life by helping you to find ways to still do things for you. There may be similiar programs in other provinces.

    I hope I have been of some comfort to you. From what I can see you are doing very well coping with what you are and as a single mom! You can be very proud of yourself as a mother. Your son is lucky to have you in his corner.
    Last edited by mom2TSguy; May 30, 2008 at 03:31 PM.

Similar Threads

  1. uneasiness about having kids
    By teenwithtics in forum Parents
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: December 3, 2005, 10:04 AM
  2. Can Animal Therapy Help Kids with Disorders?
    By Steve in forum Diagnosis and Treatment of Tourette Syndrome
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: September 19, 2005, 05:07 PM
  3. TS and your kids...
    By syrinx in forum Adults with Tourette
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: August 31, 2005, 10:21 AM
  4. Hi...Books for kids?
    By boys4meX3 in forum Parents
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: August 11, 2005, 03:21 PM
  5. Kids Programs
    By AdamG in forum General Support and Advice
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: December 15, 2004, 10:27 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •