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Thread: New member in an isolated community

  1. #1

    Default New member in an isolated community

    Hi everyone! Wow where to start! My 8 yr old son is, I guess you'd say, is undiagnosed or has an assumed diagnoses with/of Tourette's. Because of where we live, this has been a long and difficult road to even getting an assessment. I'm happy to say that being a very proactive Mom and having a sister in the Mental Health field, my son has been accepted into a fabulous 3 week school assessment program in another province in Feb

    We have just returned from our first intake apt., and the Dr. is pretty certain this is what our diagnosis will be. Which I must add is what my sister had suspected all along.

    My son has some tics like snapping, sniffing, blinking as well as sensories, feel of paper, certain noises, certain smells, tags etc. No vocal tics, at least not that I notice. Now with all of these none of them are really bothersome to me as a parent, and don't seem to be for him. What is REALLY hard is the behaviour. The rages of anger are so hard to control and deal with. My sons rages are very violent, he expresses thoughts of killing himself and me, his dad and other family members. He has also came after me with knifes, scissors, stools really anything he can find. (Ps. All harmful stuff is now locked away) He hits, kicks, punches, spits, bites, and once these rages are over he is exhausted (as am I) and feels horrible, and says he just can't stop it, he really doesn't want to do or say these things but has no control over it.

    I'd love to have some feed back on how others help their children with these rages.

    I have the most caring, loving, smart, honest son, he is a true gentleman, and deserves the best in this world.

    Thanks so much,

    Tara xo

  2. #2

    Default Re: New member in an isolated community

    Hi, Tara! I couldn't read your note and not post to you...I just wrote an introduction, myself, and have the same kind of question---what to do with this intense anger that flares up. While my son (also 8) hasn't gotten to the point of hitting dh or I, he yells horrible, horrible things, including the kind of language that would make the most die-hard swearer blush. He's broken a window and a couple of chairs. When he's in one of these fits of anger, it's like nothing can touch him, there is no reasoning with him, threats are useless, and he simply doesn't seem to care. But when it's all over, he's remorseful and sorry. The whole family is impacted by his anger, and that's troubling. Like you, I just want to know how to deal with it, and how to help my son to deal with it. He is *such* a wonderful kid when he's in a good head space.

    Joni

  3. #3

    Default Re: New member in an isolated community

    Thanks for writing Joni. It is difficult for families. I guess I can say thankfully I only have the one child, but regardless it's been hard on myself, my husband, our parents, our siblings and all the cousins. We are a very close family, which has been a blessing for supports but never less stressful.
    Here are a few techniques we've tried but didn't work for us, might work for your son though. The butterfly hug, where he hugs himself while tapping his shoulders. Chewing gum ( which ill be trying tonight) relaxing music in an iPod, there is a great app called Relaxing Melodies, which we use at bedtime sometimes. Make a punching pillow, use a white pillowcase and get some fabric markers and let your son draw whatever he'd like on it and he can use it too punch while angry. Special journals for writing and colouring in to express frustrations. Counting and colors are supposed to be helpful too. Just start naming colors and start talking about your favs, there is something about not being able to focus on multiple thoughts while imagining colors. Those are a few we've tried none have had lasting effects with my son but were worth the shot. They're all suppose to help redirect the emotions and frustrations.
    I'm just anxious to get the 3 week school assement done. We do have to go 2500kms to get there, but it's worth it. As well my sister is there so we have support.
    Good luck and I look forward to continuing to talk to you.
    Tara

    Ps above all don't forget to take time out for yourself. You need and deserve it!!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Sydney, Australia
    Age
    45
    Posts
    227

    Default Re: New member in an isolated community

    Welcome to the forum, Tara. Has your son been prescribed any medicine for his rages? What kind of support are you getting for him?

  5. #5

    Default Re: New member in an isolated community

    Yes my son is on respridal (sorry about the spelling) it hasn't made a difference at all, it's been over 2 months he's been on it with 3 dosage increases.
    Supports where I live are very lacking. He's had a theripist for 2 yrs, who hasn't done anything for him. In 2 yrs she hasnt even gave me an idea of what we were or could be dealing with.
    We went to a 12 week program called SNAP, which is group therapy for kids with behavioural issues as well as a group for parents (separate). That program was fabulous, and the facilitators are continuing to work with us.
    I've been turned to family services for supports but I have to find my own person to work with him, and they help with funding. I have yet to find someone qualified. As well there are no peds doctors here nor is there a child psychiatrist or psychologists. In the 2 hrs we spend with the psychiatrist 2500kms away, (where my son is going to be going through a 3week school assessment program) he is 99% sure it's Tourette's.
    At this point I'm not sure what or where I should go for supports where I live. All I know for sure is I will continue to be proactive in seeking out supports and help and be a voice to bring awareness and more supports to our territory.
    Thanks Tara

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Toronto, Ontario
    Posts
    749

    Default Re: New member in an isolated community

    Hi Tara,
    Welcome to the Forum!
    It sounds like you and Jondee have very similar concerns.
    I've just posted some suggestions on her thread.
    I hope they might help you as well.
    It's great that you two are sharing stategies.

    Please know that in a rage, sometimes touching the child can intensify the episode,
    and that if the episode is very severe, your child may not remember what happened after.
    The key is to make sure he has a safe place to go in your house where he cannot hurt himself during these episode.
    You might want to explore taking the "butterfly" hugs to a different level by providing him pillows he can cocoon himself him.
    There are donut pillows, bean bag chairs, and lots of other options.
    Take him shopping with you and see what might strike his interest.

    Good luck.
    Tina
    Tina, Forum Moderator, TSFC Staff Liaison

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  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Mississauga, Ontario
    Posts
    17

    Default Re: New member in an isolated community

    Hi Tara,

    My name is Kim and I have two children with TS +.

    Rages (meltdowns) have occurred and still do (however less often) and my children are 16 and 14 years of age. When my son was around eight he too was talking about killing himself. I believe it's a reaction to the frustration. They do not take medications for their tics, ADHD or "rages".

    As with any emotional response there is a "trigger". Some people may refer to this as an antecedent. If you are able, try and remember what occurred immediately before the "rage". If you can log these observations (or someone else who is present during these episodes) it might give you insight as to why they are happening.

    There is usually a reason why this behaviour is occuring. I remember when my son was really little and he went into meltdown mode, just as I was trying to get him to school! When assessing after that fact, I realized that I helped hime put on this shoes in the wrong order. He liked his left shoe to go on first, not his right! Boom, then the meltdown! Rages (in my opinion) are bigger version of meltdowns.

    If you are able to determine what the triggers are, you might be able to avoid them or at least anticipate them.

    (Google ABC charts... they are often used in schools to assess "challenging" behaviour...)

    The most important thing in my opinion is to never take the behaviour personally....


    Kim

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Toronto, Ontario
    Posts
    749

    Default Re: New member in an isolated community

    Thank you Kim, for your response to Tara.
    At the TSFC, we don't refer to these incidents as "behaviour" but symptoms of the underlying neurology.
    The methodology Kim has suggested is a perfect example of how to distill the triggers out of the rages, and we hope reduce their incidence.
    Please let us know if you discover anything, Tara!

    Also keep updating that log, and present it to your family doctor and any specialists you get sent to.
    They may be able to help you distill more triggers.
    And if you do discover triggers, please share them with your son's teachers.
    Then they can avoid the triggers as well.

    Good luck!
    Tina
    Tina, Forum Moderator, TSFC Staff Liaison

    TSFC Homepage
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  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Ottawa, Canada
    Posts
    5,939

    Default Re: New member in an isolated community

    Welcome to the TSFC Forum, Tara! I've been away for a couple of weeks, and am catching up. Hope you find the information and support you need.

    Be sure to let us know how we can help.

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